How to control emotions? or how can I control my emotions?
Before we look into how to control emotions first let us look into what emotions are biological. In our mind, we have 4 parts:
- Action mind – Responsible for all the actions we take. Like walking, eating, etc.
- Emotion mind – This part provides energy for all the actions. This is the energy source of our body. The emotional mind is directly connected to the heart because we feel the energy at heart that is why we generally call it heart.
- Logical mind – This is a reasoning mind that defines what is right and wrong. It has neurons that are build because of reputation. If we repeat a positive statement we will be a positive individual and if we repeat negative statements we will be negative individuals.
- Communication mind – This helps us to communicate with others. Not just the usage of language but the way we communicate with others.
Now, whenever we think something, it gets amplified by the emotional mind, and accordingly, we perform. If we repeat positive thought then it gets to mix with energy and it becomes positive energy and we show to either through a smile, excitement, etc. If we repeat a lot of negative thought then that also gets to mix with energy and it becomes negative energy and according we show it either through anger, tension, depression, etc.
Now the intensity will depend on how many times we have repeated one statement. More we repeat the same statement more energy that statements get and that statement takes complete control of our mind. Not if we repeat a lot of any thought whether it is positive or it is negative both have a bad impact on us.
This energy flows through our body and especially negative energy is very harmful to our body’s nervous system. We must understand how to control this energy and this is called as controlling emotions.
Ever came across this phrase ‘I’m at a loss for words’? That is when your emotions display how you feel when your mouth fails to correspond with your heart. Emotion is a beautiful expression. In the absence of emotions, a person is considered to be lifeless. Emotions give a purpose to every relationship a person shares in his life. It is a cue for something to be initiated. It is an essence of life. Be it for the better or worse. Emotions are not just limited to love or hatred, it can be jealousy, excitement, fear, it can be anger and everything which is poured out from your heart.
It is not constant as there are variations. It is profound and can be difficult to be defined at times. Emotions are intangible but they can be felt and seen in the form of facial expressions or our behavior. The tears rolling down our cheeks or the red flushing on our face suggests how we are feeling. It is driven by fondness or dislike towards a person or thing. An emotion can be an outcome of bitterness between 2 people or strong sentiments towards a person or a thing. Emotion is the glue that binds 2 or more people together. It is a string that holds a relationship together.
That is why, we often hear individuals saying, we fell out of love or I don’t feel for the person anymore. Often, we have across this word ‘emotionless’. It is a state of showing no emotions at all. When people are in grief or struck by a tragedy they show signs of being emotionless. They neither sob nor beat their chest. They are just existing. It plays an important role in every bond. Without feelings, we are just a monument of clay, with no sense of pain or gain.
If it is a wonderful expression then why is there a need to control them? This reminds me of this line from a very famous song by Cheryl Tweedy ‘too much of anything can make you sick, even the good be a curse’ (from the song fight for this love by Cheryl Tweedy) indeed it is true. When something exceeds the limit, it can transform into a disaster. Expressing one’s emotions is healthy but exaggerating this emotion can be termed as ‘obsession’. Not to forget, the main reason behind most of the crimes today, is a suppressed emotion.
You see, how this little intangible substance can trigger the human mind is deviating towards evil. People are willing to send streams of blood flowing, or inflict pain to others just to get satisfaction. I do not know which emotion can cause the most harm, but according to me, all the emotions can lead to a tragic end if not known to control it.
Let me give you an example of how emotions can take a toll over us. A few days back, when I opened the local newspaper there was this murder case that flashed across the piece of paper. When I went on to read it, I got to know the main reason why the girl was murdered by her boyfriend due to her having a conversation with another man. I mean, if you love somebody then how you could let jealousy get the better off you? This is the sad reality of society and the new generation.
We want to build relationships and we want to showcase our emotional side but we fail in channelizing our emotions in the right direction. We all go through rough patches in our lives but that doesn’t give us the right to exploit others. Okay let me depict another scenario to you, people cheating on their partners, and being a total homewrecker to some is unfair to their spouse and children. One may think and put up a label on it saying ‘it was meant to be’ but no my dear, this whole situation could have been shunned if either of the individuals were considerate and compassionate enough. Similarly, if the fear in us mounts up, it can lead to mental breakdown and depression.
Thus, we can come to this revelation that, when our emotions overpower us, we tend to get selfish, so much so that we forget our humane quality. There is a need to keep tabs on our emotions to see if it is going off the tangent. If you feel helpless then, hey! Hey! It is time to tame them down.
No worries I have got it all sorted. I have mentioned the ways on how to control emotions here:
- Choose positive thought over negative thought: As I mentioned earlier that emotions are both positive and negative which depend on what thought we are choosing. If we choose positive thought we will get positive emotions and is we choose negative thought then we will get negative emotions. Now never to get too much positive or never to get too much negative is what we mean by controlling our emotions. The biggest problem with most of us is that we get into too much negativity. Whenever we are thinking too much negative then we must hold on and try to push our thoughts in a positive direction. If we practice this regularly then in 21 days we will make it our habit.
Consciously choosing positive thoughts in a negative situation or with negative people or if someone does negative action or if we get a negative thing is the best way of controlling negative emotions. If you want to develop a positive attitude then you can read: How to develop positive thinking?
To develop a good attitude in yourself, you can read one famous book by John Maxwell “winning with people” you can buy that book at Winning with people. By reading this you will get an understanding of how to control emotions.
- Controlling too much positive thought: It is not that we just think negatively most of the time, many a time we think too much positive, and that is called overconfidence. Whenever we see only positive in something then also we must hold on and see its negative side. In this world, everything is neutral and wise people evaluate both the side of a person, of a situation, of any action or of any material thing. Everything has something positive and something negative for us. We have to always maintain that balance. We just have to evaluate how the positive side is helpful and how harmful the negative side is. Accordingly, we must take the decision.
- Yoga and meditation: It has always been believed that yoga helps in relaxation of mind and promotes the ability to focus on your task. Practice yoga/meditation for at least 15 minutes a day to boost your mental health and to stay calm. This will avoid your inner demons from messing with your head. When you’re mentally healthy, you will spend your time thinking logically rather than obsessing over something. Yoga/meditation increases our focus so it enables us to switch to the other side fast. If we are negative it will help us to focus on the positive side and if we are too positive it will focus us to think on the negative side.
- Anger management Centre: Anger is one such emotion that can spark a lot of problems. People get sucked into the rage that they commit heinous crimes like rape, murder and the list goes on. It is essential to keep this emotion under control and some organizations help people suffering from anger issues by doing some fun activities and workouts. I have created one video on controlling anger which will help you: How to control anger.
- Embrace nature: It is said that when we venture into nature one experiences bliss. Even if you have a hectic schedule and you can’t step out then just take a break from your work and stare at the greenery. You will immediately feel the relaxing vibe traveling in your body. Besides, our high school teacher always suggested us to glance at the plants after each half an hour of studying. So I am telling you from my experience it rejuvenates you and does help. When we are too biased on either side (positive or negative) and not able to focus on another side then one way to come out of it is to embrace nature.
- Watching Comedy series: Thank Heavens for having born in the era of Netflix and T.V. We have comfort at our fingertips. Now, I have emphasized watching comedy and not thriller or crime for a reason. When we spend most of our time watching suspense, it affects our state of mind. We constantly are anxious to know what is going to happen next and that is what leads to binge-watching. That is a trap set for you to cling on the hook. Whereas, when we watch comedy TV series, it’s sole purpose is to lighten up the viewer’s mood. Therefore, the next time when Riverdale keeps you on ‘Friday Cliff-hanger’, shift to F.R.I.E.N.D.S to calm those nerves down. This also defocuses you from the current situation and then later you can analyze the situation with a fresh mind.
I have a YouTube Channel also where I post a video on attitude and character and you can subscribe it through https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYGdbB_F0qii4Zo_rn-rCyg/videos?view_as=subscriber You can also watch this it will help you understand how to control emotions.
- Pick a hobby: Spend your time taking up a course online or reading books, cooking, blogging, make tutorials, or whatever that makes you happy. Give yourself time to heal from the to-doo- list activities you do. Keeping yourself busy with something will divert your mind on spending time overthinking about situations. Then when you go back to attend the situation you will be able to handle it more innovatively and properly.
You can visit my Facebook page and I post text and video on growing attitude and character, you can find all my videos and I update it regularly: https://www.facebook.com/pg/betterworldsjp/videos/?ref=page_internal I publish a lot of stuff which will help you to understand how to control emotions.
- Go Outdoors: This pointer corresponds with the one I mentioned earlier, hang out with an old friend, take your family out for dinner, or simply go fishing or kite flying. This will release the tension out from your body and will make all set to face the Monday blues.
You can connect me through my professional network on LinkedIn also here is the link: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sjpurohit/ We can discuss how to control emotions there in detail.
- Stop Overthinking: This is a very bad habit which all the youth have gotten into lately, people can neither take rejection nor they seem to accept themselves the way they are. Overthinking can lead to mental disorders, anxiety, nausea, and girls even dark circles! Overthinking does no good on the contrary it affects your mental as well as physical health. It may also push an individual to be suicidal.
Hence, quit overthinking and remember what others think or say won’t change a thing about you. You are special. You always have been. If somebody rejects you. Accept it. Do not chase something because you want it. There is always a bigger gift waiting for you. We are used to thinking a lot about one particular situation. We must try to stop overthinking using the points mentioned above like going outdoor, watching comedy, etc, and then we can tackle the same situation again with a fresh mind.
You can connect me through my Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/purohit.sudarshan/ this will help you stop overthinking.
- Self-love: We live in a society where everybody wants to be like a significant other. We always want to stand on the ‘podium of glory’. There is competition for who wears the best dress or who has the best shoes and whatnot. But, in this process, we forget to love ourselves the way we are.
When we compare ourselves with others, we damage our self-esteem, we lower our confidence and we think that we are not good enough. As a result of this, we have an emotional breakdown. It gives rise to jealousy, hatred, ego, pride, and so on. Hence, to avoid falling in the whirlpool of greed, accept yourself, and love yourself because if you do not respect yourself then how do you expect others to respect you?
To practice Self Love, watch TED – Talks and other motivational videos to build confidence. Respect your body and most importantly stop comparing yourself with others. If you find it difficult to stop comparing yourself with others than you can read this article: how to get rid of jealousy?
Emotions are not baseless, it is important to let them flow, I have asked you to control your emotions not suppress it. But check out the boundaries, do not let it manipulate you to do something which you might regret for the rest of your life. I would wind up by saying this:
‘Let the emotions flow
Let it flow strong or slow
Don’t suppress how you feel
Chasing the unworthy is not a part of the deal.
You are a Highness so wear your crown.
Don’t let the obsession bring you down.’
After reading how to control emotions I am sure you would want to read How to be self-disciplined: https://sudarshanpurohit.com/how-to-be-self-disciplined/
If you want to add anything in how to control emotions then you can send it via comment below. I will add it in the article 🙂
If you want to know your natural capabilities which mean what are your strength and weaknesses then you can get you DMIT test done. If you want your DMIT test to be done then you can contact here: https://sudarshanpurohit.com/dmit-test-in-bangalore/
Co-Writer – EVLYN FERNANDES