Let’s begin with understanding what jealousy really is and how it is so vast.
What comes into your mind when you hear the word jealousy? Different people will have different answers, and all those answers will be according to the individuals’ personal life. Some people may automatically think about jealousy in their relationships, while others may think about the jealousy of someone’s success, wealth, power, materials, etc.
Though you can be jealous of different things, the main focus is the same. The feeling, the uneasiness, and the mental torture is the same. No matter what the “why” is, the “how” is always the same.
Jealousy in relationships:
It is a truth universally known that jealousy can and will ruin your peace of mind and will end your loving relationships. It can additionally be a sign to you that it’s time for you to buckle up and go make some changes.
First, rather than allowing jealousy to infect your relationship with others, use its character as a basis to better know yourself. If you are someone who is having to trade with the jealousy of other people, you have to learn to draw clear limits in order to protect yourself.
As I said before, jealousy is a killer. Relationships and bonds end because of some jealous conflicts, and not even that, sometimes jealousy gets so extreme that people kill each other because they are jealous. As a matter of fact, jealousy is one of the top reasons for so many horrendous and serious crimes.
let’s create a scenario, Imagine this. You are at some party and someone is being friendly towards you and you also smile towards them and have a friendly exchange, but your partner thinks bad about the situation and believes that you are deceiving them. Or maybe there’s another scenario when your partner tells you a hilarious story about a former lover or relationship, and you for some reason feel threatened. In all these scenarios, the person feels the anger and the tension rising inside them, and they have no idea what to do with these feelings and how to overcome them. they might not even know that this feeling is called jealousy.
When we are jealous, it is common that we worry that our partner might find someone else for themselves who is more appealing or in simpler terms, is better than you, and because of these thoughts, you fear that he or she will reject you or end up breaking up with you.
now, we all feel threatened at some point in our relationship that our partner might end up finding someone who is more attractive or smart, and as a result of that, we may animate jealousy as a way to cope with this uncertainty.
We may think that our jealousy will prevent us from being surprised, or help us protect our freedoms, and even force our partners to give up their interests anywhere else. Related to worry, jealousy can be a kind of “strategy” that we often use so that we can solve what is going wrong in a certain relationship or to learn what our partner “truly believes”.
A lot of times people may also think that jealousy can cause them to give up on their relationship, just to make sure they don’t get hurt in any given scenario. If you are also one of the many who is feeling jealous, it’s very crucial to ask yourself what you actually hope to gain by your jealousy and why do you view jealousy as a coping strategy.
but of course, you can overcome your jealousy. Below are some ways by which you can learn to be a better person and let go of jealousy.
Accept that jealousy is normal and common to all human beings. If you can acknowledge that jealousy is something natural then it’s equally crucial that your significant other can understand that too. because the last thing you want is someone who is lashing out at you the moment you ask them to text you if they have any plans of staying out late.
The thing is, when you are in any committed relationship, you will sacrifice some freedom but you also have to take responsibility for how the other person feels. A terrible way to deal with a jealous partner is by telling them that “It’s your problem!” or “I haven’t done anything wrong!”. The only way to beat this dilemma is through comfort and by talking it out. You have to be down to listen to the steps you can make your companion feel more at rest, and then decide if their demands are appropriate.
Tackle your feelings and take responsibility. Learn to examine your jealousy every time that it appears. For example, question yourself that “Does this jealousy exist because I feel anxious or angry? Why am I feeling the panic or anger here?” When you begin to challenge what makes you jealous at the moment, you can start to take actual steps to manage the emotions constructively, without the shadow of negative emotion that typically follows jealousy.
Trust the people you love and have faith in them no matter what, always choose trust over distrust. Unless you have hard and strong evidence that someone is lying to you, learn to trust. Do not, under any circumstances, go snooping for proof, but take your loved one for his or her word. Possessiveness can hurt your relationship and only if you hide it and blame your feelings on others will your relationship turn sour.
If you are at fault then re-educate yourself and unlearn certain ideas. If you believe that it’s wicked for your partner to never be attracted to anyone else, then you may have to examine your core beliefs and ideas.
It’s perfectly natural to find other people attractive, but of course, it’s not okay to act upon such attraction or go out of your way to do something about it. The rules that people may have for their relationship can make them more likely to be jealousy and hateful towards their partner. If you have extremely romanticized ideals for your loved one, then you raise the chances of you getting jealous by a lot.
Open up regarding your jealousy and do not hide your feelings. talking about your true feelings with your friend or partner can definitely help you to create a stronger and healthier relationship. It will also empower him or her to steer out when you seem extremely jealous.
Though it can be vulnerable and exposing to admit to the feelings of jealousy, a relationship built on faith is going to be greater than one built of deception. Avoid throwing the blame to the other person. He or she did not create your feelings, and you alone are accountable for your behavior.
You having to ask your partner about their whereabouts, checking their phone, tracking their ex on social media, will make it more uneasy if you never really find anything. These coping strategies drive the precious person away, with whom you’re trying to attach. And though we can acknowledge that, yes, sometimes your partner may be lying, and you’d never learn about that cheating in any other way than stalking their Instagram DMs, you still have to make certain that monitoring doesn’t become a habit.
Get help if you or your partner crosses the line. If you have physically harmed, yelled, or stalked your companion, isolate yourself from them instantly and get professional help. Ask your physician for a referral to see a therapist or take an anger management class.
If you believe that jealously is becoming a problem, to the end where it starts to conflict with your daily life, then asking help from a psychiatrist would not be a bad plan. If you get extremely possessive only once in a while, then you presumably don’t need to go to a psychiatrist. Everybody experiences irregular jealousy and it is quite normal.
Uncover the distinction between love and jealousy. Jealousy is not equivalent to love and feeling jealous does not imply that you are in love. Some souls mistake suspicion as a deed of love when it’s actually an act of insecurity and/or a lack of power. People who get jealous tend to be weak and to have characteristics of shame as well.
Research reveals that people who fear they’ll have no choice if the relationship split up are far higher to be prone to jealousy. Codependency causes such relationships to be something that cannot break no matter what. So you’re more inclined to contemplate and obsess over any seen threats.
Jealousy can help you understand how much a partner means to you or help you pick up on possible red flags. What it cannot do is stop your partner from transferring flirty DMs or lying to you about someone. All you can do is your best in delivering your concerns and making sure your jealousy isn’t draining you.
You should also know that feeling jealous of someone because of their material wealth is wrong. You should know that material wealth is not the proper method of measuring someone’s happiness. Being jealous of someone just because they have a bigger house or bigger car, that doesn’t mean they are a better person than you.
Also, understand that if someone is successful, it means that they have put in the required efforts to get there. Instead of seeing where he is, try to analyze how they got there.
There are 3 simple ways you can get rid of jealousy over time:
Happiness – Being happy or feeling happy for someone close to you when they achieve something is the start. If you are happy for someone being successful, you will strive to achieve the same, but without jealousy.
Celebrate – Celebrating a closed one’s success will inhibit your jealous feelings. This celebration gets translated into respect for that person and that person, in turn, will respect you. Others will see you celebrating their success and will help and celebrate with you when the time comes.
Thoughts – Saying positive things to a friend will gain you more respect. When you say enough positive things to a person you feel jealous of, that jealousy gets translated into mutual respect and these negative thoughts over time will completely disappear.
You can’t control everything. But you can control your emotions.
Here are a few effective ways you can learn to control your emotions.
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