Let’s begin with understanding what jealousy really is and how it is so vast.
What comes into your mind when you hear the word jealousy? Different people will have different answers, and all those answers will be according to the individuals’ personal life. Some people may automatically think about jealousy in their relationships, while others may think about the jealousy of someone’s success, wealth, power, materials, etc.
Though you can be jealous of different things, the main focus is the same. The feeling, the uneasiness, and the mental torture are the same. No matter what the “why” is, the “how” is always the same.
Understanding Jealousy in relationships:
It is a truth universally known that jealousy can and will ruin your peace of mind and will end your loving relationships. It can additionally be a sign to you that it’s time for you to buckle up and go make some changes.
First, rather than allowing jealousy to infect your relationship with others, use its character as a basis to better know yourself. If you are someone who is having to trade with the jealousy of other people, you have to learn to draw clear limits in order to protect yourself.
As I said before, jealousy is a killer. Relationships and bonds end because of some jealous conflicts, and not even that, sometimes jealousy gets so extreme that people kill each other because they are jealous. As a matter of fact, jealousy is one of the top reasons for so many horrendous and serious crimes.
let’s create a scenario, Imagine this. You are at some party and someone is being friendly towards you and you also smile towards them and have a friendly exchange, but your partner thinks bad about the situation and believes that you are deceiving them. Or maybe there’s another scenario when your partner tells you a hilarious story about a former lover or relationship, and you for some reason feel threatened. In all these scenarios, the person feels the anger and the tension rising inside them, and they have no idea what to do with these feelings and how to overcome them. they might not even know that this feeling is called jealousy.
When we are jealous, it is common that we worry that our partner might find someone else for themselves who is more appealing or in simpler terms, is better than you, and because of these thoughts, you fear that he or she will reject you or end up breaking up with you.
now, we all feel threatened at some point in our relationship that our partner might end up finding someone who is more attractive or smart, and as a result of that, we may animate jealousy as a way to cope with this uncertainty.
We may think that our jealousy will prevent us from being surprised, or help us protect our freedoms, and even force our partners to give up their interests anywhere else. Related to worry, jealousy can be a kind of “strategy” that we often use so that we can solve what is going wrong in a certain relationship or to learn what our partner “truly believes”.
A lot of times people may also think that jealousy can cause them to give up on their relationship, just to make sure they don’t get hurt in any given scenario. If you are also one of the many who is feeling jealous, it’s very crucial to ask yourself what you actually hope to gain by your jealousy and why do you view jealousy as a coping strategy.
but of course, you can overcome your jealousy. Below are some ways by which you can learn to be a better person and let go of jealousy.
Understanding Jealousy – Accept that jealousy is normal and common to all human beings. If you can acknowledge that jealousy is something natural then it’s equally crucial that your significant other can understand that too. because the last thing you want is someone who is lashing out at you the moment you ask them to text you if they have any plans of staying out late.
The thing is, when you are in any committed relationship, you will sacrifice some freedom but you also have to take responsibility for how the other person feels. A terrible way to deal with a jealous partner is by telling them that “It’s your problem!” or “I haven’t done anything wrong!”. The only way to beat this dilemma is through comfort and by talking it out. You have to be down to listen to the steps you can make your companion feel more at rest, and then decide if their demands are appropriate.
Understanding Jealousy – Tackle your feelings and take responsibility. Learn to examine your jealousy every time that it appears. For example, question yourself that “Does this jealousy exist because I feel anxious or angry? Why am I feeling the panic or anger here?” When you begin to challenge what makes you jealous at the moment, you can start to take actual steps to manage the emotions constructively, without the shadow of negative emotion that typically follows jealousy.
Understanding Jealousy – Trust the people you love and have faith in them no matter what, always choose trust over distrust. Unless you have hard and strong evidence that someone is lying to you, learn to trust. Do not, under any circumstances, go snooping for proof, but take your loved one for his or her word. Possessiveness can hurt your relationship and only if you hide it and blame your feelings on others will your relationship turn sour.
Understanding Jealousy – If you are at fault then re-educate yourself and unlearn certain ideas. If you believe that it’s wicked for your partner to never be attracted to anyone else, then you may have to examine your core beliefs and ideas.
It’s perfectly natural to find other people attractive, but of course, it’s not okay to act upon such attraction or go out of your way to do something about it. The rules that people may have for their relationship can make them more likely to be jealousy and hateful towards their partner. If you have extremely romanticized ideals for your loved one, then you raise the chances of you getting jealous by a lot.
Understanding Jealousy – Open up regarding your jealousy and do not hide your feelings. talking about your true feelings with your friend or partner can definitely help you to create a stronger and healthier relationship. It will also empower him or her to steer out when you seem extremely jealous.
Though it can be vulnerable and exposing to admit to feelings of jealousy, a relationship built on faith is going to be greater than one built on deception. Avoid throwing the blame at the other person. He or she did not create your feelings, and you alone are accountable for your behavior.
Understanding Jealousy – You having to ask your partner about their whereabouts, checking their phone, tracking their ex on social media, will make it more uneasy if you never really find anything. These coping strategies drive the precious person away, with whom you’re trying to attach. And though we can acknowledge that, yes, sometimes your partner may be lying, and you’d never learn about that cheating in any other way than stalking their Instagram DMs, you still have to make certain that monitoring doesn’t become a habit.
Understanding Jealousy – Get help if you or your partner crosses the line. If you have physically harmed, yelled, or stalked your companion, isolate yourself from them instantly and get professional help. Ask your physician for a referral to see a therapist or take an anger management class.
If you believe that jealously is becoming a problem, to the end where it starts to conflict with your daily life, then asking help from a psychiatrist would not be a bad plan. If you get extremely possessive only once in a while, then you presumably don’t need to go to a psychiatrist. Everybody experiences irregular jealousy and it is quite normal.
Understanding Jealousy – Uncover the distinction between love and jealousy. Jealousy is not equivalent to love and feeling jealous does not imply that you are in love. Some souls mistake suspicion as a deed of love when it’s actually an act of insecurity and/or a lack of power. People who get jealous tend to be weak and to have characteristics of shame as well.
Understanding Jealousy – Research reveals that people who fear they’ll have no choice if the relationship split up are far higher to be prone to jealousy. Codependency causes such relationships to be something that cannot break no matter what. So you’re more inclined to contemplate and obsess over any seen threats.
Jealousy can help you understand how much a partner means to you or help you pick up on possible red flags. What it cannot do is stop your partner from transferring flirty DMs or lying to you about someone. All you can do is your best in delivering your concerns and making sure your jealousy isn’t draining you.
You should also know that feeling jealous of someone because of their material wealth is wrong. You should know that material wealth is not the proper method of measuring someone’s happiness. Being jealous of someone just because they have a bigger house or bigger car, that doesn’t mean they are a better person than you.
Also, understand that if someone is successful, it means that they have put in the required efforts to get there. Instead of seeing where he is, try to analyze how they got there.
There are 3 simple ways you can get rid of jealousy over time:
Happiness – Being happy or feeling happy for someone close to you when they achieve something is the start. If you are happy for someone being successful, you will strive to achieve the same, but without jealousy.
Celebrate – Celebrating a close one’s success will inhibit your jealous feelings. This celebration gets translated into respect for that person and that person, in turn, will respect you. Others will see you celebrating their success and will help and celebrate with you when the time comes.
Thoughts – Saying positive things to a friend will gain you more respect. When you say enough positive things to a person you feel jealous of, that jealousy gets translated into mutual respect and these negative thoughts over time will completely disappear.
You can’t control everything. But you can control your emotions.
Here are a few effective ways you can learn to control your emotions.
HOW TO GET RID OF JEALOUSY
Several emotions make up a cluster of reactions of a human to a particular situation or phenomena in his/her surroundings. Some of these emotions depict the happiness and ecstasy of the individual whereas some of them depict sadness, resentment, or anger on the part of the same person. It is commonly known that these emotions are not voluntary, they are triggered in an automated manner as soon as we get an external stimulus to which we react physically and mentally.
The extent to which a person expresses his/her emotions is controllable and voluntary. One of these emotions is jealousy, a term that has been common in society since the beginning of human life on earth. Jealousy is an emotion that triggers the feeling of resentment as well as some sort of anger in the person who is experiencing it. Feeling jealous about something or even some person has a well-formed backstory to it whether it is short or long.
Human beings, no doubt, have evolved through centuries and decades since their inception on earth but some of the basic features of homo sapiens remain the same and are not expected to change even in the coming centuries. The feeling of jealousy is one of these features and thus can not be completely eradicated from the human race but it can surely be controlled and subsided to near-zero levels where it is nearly impossible to be harmed from the emotion under discussion.
In today’s article, we are going to discuss in detail how can a person suppress the demon of jealousy and rise as an individual with good conduct in society, stay tuned!
- FOCUS IS THE PROBLEM
When we feel jealous of something we don’t own or in any other regard, the primary aspect of the matter is that our focus is on our possessions and the other person’s possessions. Why are we focused on what we possess and what others possess? The simple answer is – because we are excessively devoted to materialistic wealth. We are constantly comparing our salary, the size of our house, the number of cars we own, the price of our clothes and so on to the other person’s possessions.
While we are comparing these parameters, if one of them is “skewed” against us in our assessment, we start to feel jealous of the person. This resultant feeling of jealousy does several harms to us and many of them go unnoticed by us. We start to establish a hostile relationship with the individual instead of being a genial and generous friend to the same person because of the feeling of jealousy.
Comparing our possessions with other people is a fatal activity, instead of comparing our material wealth, we can utilize the learnings and energy to a rather productive and satisfying task or activity that brings us a peaceful sleep in the night. We need to shift our focus from comparisons to self-construction in which we are trying to build our character by completing it piece-by-piece.
Focusing on learning from others rather than feeling jealous of them will help us a long way in becoming self-reliant people who can learn lessons without much difficulty from themselves and others also.
- NOTICE AND WORK
One of the major reasons why a lot of people face extreme jealousy today is that they have unconditional ignorance towards the issue. We feel jealous regarding one aspect or the other and go through the familiar chain of reactions but in the meantime, we fail to notice that something detrimental to our personality is taking place inside us and we need to stop it. To subside the feeling of jealousy in our hearts, there is an urgent need to start noticing this automated process that slips through our psychological lens and keeps getting stronger and stronger.
Once we consciously start pushing our mind to start checking the feeling, we will face some hiccups in the initial days but we have to hang in the weather for some days to get a hold on it. Once we internalize the whole process of checking and correcting the emotion, we will not be needed to do conscious efforts to keep a tab on the other side.
To speak of working on the feeling, we need to chart out a strategy of how we can convince ourselves to let go of the feeling of jealousy in our daily lives. Merely noticing the feeling will not bring any glory to us rather it will waste our efforts to extended boundaries. We need to couple the task of noticing with taking corrective steps to redress the issue at hand to counter the feeling of jealousy otherwise our task to defeat the subject will not be accomplished.
- THE PERCEPTION IS CROOKED
Many of us live in that prism of the world where materialistic wealth accounts for nearly complete prosperity in our lives. This materialistic wealth is destructive in many ways, one of which can be seen in the discussion taking place here. Once we become oriented to material wealth to an excessive degree, it is nearly impossible to see other aspects of life other than earning endless dollars and building mansions as much as we can. This way of thinking brings with it another product that is called the sheer competition of money.
We start to feel jealous of people who possibly possess more assets than we do and subsequently establish an enmity towards them which is nearly never-ending. It may be satisfying to realize that we earn a tad more than our neighbor but to trust the billionaires and greatest philosophers that the world has seen, sharing our happiness and failures also gives a satisfactory life to us at the same place.
Now that we know of the problem, we can easily work on it by viewing the phenomena that make us feel jealous in other ways. Changing the way we look at our surroundings changes the way we think about our surroundings and we know well that the feeling of jealousy has to be checked at heart and treated in the mind. Our ideology shapes a lot of decisions for us throughout our life and thus it is important to stress the need to change some inherent elements of that ideology once we notice an anomaly from the desired lifestyle.
- TAKE HELP AND COMMUNICATE
Now that we have noticed the feeling that brings us so many sleepless nights, we may be reluctant to share the same with other people who are close to us and are our support system. This feeling of reluctance has to be resisted at any cost because the moment we stop seeking help for our problems, we start creating another problem – guideless navigation.
We can talk about our problem to several experienced people around us and can seek their help in learning how one can effectively combat the feeling of jealousy once and for all. When we stop communicating with other people about our problems, we are at high risk of getting lost in the middle of the path and not finding a way out of the turmoil. Our friends can play a crucial role in guiding us towards our goal and realizing the desired result without much agony and suffering.
Several professionals can help us get out of the web of jealousy through some practical techniques and approaches. These people are well known as psychologists and are reliable to a safe degree under the public domain. We can seek help from psychologists when we feel lost in the battle and they may be productive for the purpose. Do not forget to strike a balance between the medical as well as the professional approach.
In the end, we can conclude that the feeling of jealousy can be successfully defeated when we approach the issue with effective tools with a positive approach. The methods for overcoming the barrier may vary from person to person but the basic idea of countering the feeling of jealousy needs to be kept as a fixed element in all the individuals so that the goal remains constant over the board.
There is a widespread belief in society that one can not push away the feeling of jealousy, to mention the least, this belief could not be more wrong. The reason why the homo sapiens have been regarded as the most intellectually refined race in the animal kingdom is because of their sheer capability to make changes as and when needed. There have been plenty of examples in society that depict the spirit of fighting the feeling as not fatal and gives returns after a certain period.
There may be several types of feelings when they are associated with the root emotion of jealousy but the solution to all of them has been constantly the same for decades. We have to believe in the intellect that we have been blessed with and the cognitive abilities that we possess since birth for winning any battle in the world.
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