How to be outspoken or How to be outspoken without being rude?
With our society obsessed being with a sugar coating. It can get tough to be the blunt one. People feel happy when they are being loved and accepted by others. Give it a thought and see…Your first day at college, or be it your first day at work or simply trying to adjust with your new neighbors. ‘Your first impression is your last impression.’ So to make a good impression one can go to any extent to please others. Nobody likes to be disliked by others.
Everyone feels the need to be praised and hailed by the people in their surroundings. There is no harm in feeling that way. But just to create a lasting impression you sometimes forget to reveal the facts or the truth which causes hindrance in creating a bond between you and others.
Like, come on, if you are being asked by a colleague, how the yellow palazzos are looking on her gaudy top. You will go to Yikes! In your head but your mouth will utter something like bold or very bright. You will choose to keep mum because you do not want to lose a friend or you are simply trying to be in the good books.
It all comes down to you! Isn’t it? You do not want to be outspoken because you fear losing somebody or you just want to be liked by the other. Nowadays, people have turned themselves into robots. They have forgotten to express themselves. If we see a bully troubling a young kid at school, we either take the other route to the class or pretend that we haven’t seen anything. That is because we lack courage.
Being outspoken is a gift. Putting your thoughts forward is brave. An outspoken person is neither living in fear nor does hesitant about what he said. If I have to break it down into simple words, it means a person who speaks his heart out. This person is kind of like an open book, whatever he has on his mind, he will blurt out without shying away. These kinds of people are like rare jewels because you don’t find them everywhere. We may come across a handful of these while studying or working together. They are often pictured as the ‘sharp knife’ which goes right through charging at a person.
Sometimes, an outspoken may be wrong in doing so but sometimes they can turn out to be your savior. Let me give you instances of each scenario. When a person is trying hard to crack an entrance exam and going up to that person and saying ‘hey! You suck at math! Remember you failed in math the previous semester. How are you going to cope up with it?’ now that is very rude I’d say because at least the person is putting effort and even though he sucks at it… He doesn’t need opinions about his prospects.
Be a motivator not somebody to drag others down. The above sentence could have been said in a motivating way like for example. ‘Hey! How are your preparations going? I know that you are weak in mathematics but I have heard of a very good tutor who may help you”. Let us move on to the second scenario on how can an outspoken person be a savior to us.
We have all known how a teacher’s presence is intimidating to us. Many a time, even when we have difficulty, we choose to stay silent because either we are too shy or we are too timid. That is when our “outspoken Hero’’ will come to our rescue. He will not be at peace unless and until he gets the answers to all his doubts. Besides, every time the lecturer confronts us regarding an issue, it is they who come forward and speak for the rest of the lot.
So it is good to be outspoken. Now some people don’t know how to put their point in a motivating way. Many outspoken people say it bluntly without thinking about its impact on another person. It is good to say what is right but we should do it positively. We must do it with the intention of helping others rather than hurting others.
To understand how to be outspoken you can read one book by John Maxwell “winning with people” you can buy that book at Winning with people. This book will help you to learn a lot of attitude and character which will help you to be outspoken.
But most of us do not have the courage to speak what we think is right and are not confident enough to convey our views to others.
Here are some quick tips on how to be outspoken Individual:
- Be confident: The biggest reason for shying away is a lack of confidence. One has to have higher self-esteem if they want to be outspoken. You can learn in detail how to be confident by reading this article: How to be confident
- Overcome fear of failure: We all have a fear that if we say something wrong then people will laugh at us. We have to overcome the fear of failure to come out of our shy nature. If you want to learn how to overcome the fear of failure then you can read this article: how to overcome the fear of failure.
- Take initiatives: The best way to learn anything is to try doing it. If you are shy or timid then go and do something which would involve talking to other people. Try to speak your heart out to your close people like your parents, your best friend, or your siblings.
- Learn how to speak positively: The biggest reason why one person is not able to speak their heart out is in the past they didn’t have a good experience. Whenever they tried saying what is right the people around them didn’t appreciate it. Mostly whenever we try to say what is right people think that we are criticizing them. Now the solution to this problem is to speak the truth in an encouraging way. If you want to learn how to be a charismatic person who speaks in an encouraging way then you can read: How to be liked and you can watch the video: How to motivate ourselves and others.
- Meet new people: This is a distinct quality of an outspoken person. They like to meet new people and mind you they are very good at bonding with people. They can talk about a flower or a boring wall piece. So, meeting new people will help you to improve your communication skills. It will boost your self-confidence and you will overcome your fear of talking to people. When we talk to other people we find that deep inside we all are the same. This gives us a morale boost and we start expressing our views.
- Participate in competitions at a young age: Parents should encourage their children to take part in elocution completion, fancy dress, or a debate competition which gets you to open your mouth in front of the crowd. You will overcome stage fright and it will increase your self-esteem. It will help you in your future to face large masses and one can even opt for public speaking as a profession.
- Values: The values that kids are taught at a young age stick with them forever. Therefore it is important to teach your kids to stand up for what is right and to never be tolerant against any form of oppression. They have to be taught to speak at the right time and the importance of fighting injustice. Many times parents only discourage their kids to speak what is right. And kids learn from parents only. If parents only differentiate in what they say and what they do then kids will learn that only.
It’s our responsibility to teach good values to our kids. I have a YouTube Channel also where I post a video on attitude and character and I post a lot of good moral values stories, you can subscribe through https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYGdbB_F0qii4Zo_rn-rCyg/videos?view_as=subscriber
- Set a good example: Our elders set a great example for us. They are responsible for molding us and preparing us for the future that awaits us. They lead us on our journey and hence it is essential to equip youngsters with confidence, leadership qualities, and resistance.
- Joining local clubs, recreation or simply getting involved in sports that involve a team of more than 5 players can help in improving your coordination skills. It will help you to be a team player as well.
An outspoken person has the potential to be a great leader. They like to have clarity over every aspect. They are free-spirited and epitomes of liberty. They believe in modernization and are against oppression because they have a broad mindset. Being outspoken doesn’t have to mean you get the right to bash others just because your heart says so. One should always learn to speak modestly, not sugar-coating the words but being straight forward and not rude. There is a thin line that separates being outspoken from being rude. One must learn to draw that line.
All our statements must be positive and right. If it is negative and right then people will think that we are criticizing them. If it is positive and wrong then it buttering others and not being true to them. If it is negative and wrong then it is for the wrong intention all together like the thought process of terrorists.
Adding to this, depending upon the nature of the situation, one must learn to speak at the right time and stand up against the wrongdoers and support the righteous. Nevertheless, if you are doing the right thing, then definitely you will pull a lot of people towards you, who are going to stand by you and support you in your good work.
So, if you have a strong support system then do not feel ashamed of being outspoken for whatsoever silly reason it may be. Again, I would like to emphasize the support system, that you do not always need it but if you are having it, then you are unstoppable and good to go. When you have backed it is like a bonus point. An outspoken person does not care about what the people will say or think. He or she will never falter in expressing themselves the way they like. They like to be the witness of truth.
In today’s world, we need more outspoken people, the people who wouldn’t judge you looking at your status, appearance, and looks. These people judge you based on today, not on the events of the past. They tell you the difference between wrong and right.
They act as a guide, a parent, and a wise mentor assisting you in at every stage. They are our protectors. They have the agility to warn us about the future consequences. They are vigilant. They believe in being practical. They have the presence of mind and are disciples of logic. So what if they are harsh, at least they are frank, they give us an honest outlook. It depends on how people take it.
We need to accept these people as they are. Maybe they need to alter the way they are stating the facts. We need to do our part of accepting these people as the mirrors of society. Who are brave enough to reveal the darker side of life? They don’t mean to hurt anybody’s sentiments but often people who have a sensitive side think of them as mean people. We need to accept their behavior and probably stop making a fuss about it.
I mean look at it this way, if you are trying to pull off a cool outfit and somebody tells you that it doesn’t suit you. It won’t be damaging that much because you were looking for someone’s opinion on this, which is a good thing as you are made to come to terms with reality. At least, it is better off than stating that it looks good on you and going around the neighborhood and saying that you correspond to a clown from the circus.
Ouch !! I know and to save yourself from such malevolent people, it is better to have some free-spoken humans around you. After all, it is always advisable to stay away from snakes. You never know when they can turn towards you and harm you.
I would also like to throw some light on diplomatic people, When you are with a group of friends I think it is healthy to have an open and honest conversation about everything. That’s what makes every bond stronger. Hiding the truth will just make things complicated. To those of you who think, being diplomatic bits of help in a circle then let me tell you, it doesn’t. Because as soon as people realize that the respected person is trying to be safe from all sides, they will dislike you.
We have been told always to be ourselves for a reason. People despise all those who wear a mask. We all know what happens when the mask comes off! Game over.
There is a limit to being blunt, the limit especially if the timing is wrong, it may hurt the other person. Also, being straightforward just to intentionally hurt someone is the wrong thing to do. If you are doing this and then wearing the hat of being frank then stop. Also when the other person is not ready to take a strong opinion it may get all messy. We must learn the art of speaking in an encouraging fashion not in criticizing way.
You can visit my Facebook page and I post text and video on growing attitude and character and that will help you to be outspoken, you can find all my videos and I update it regularly: https://www.facebook.com/pg/betterworldsjp/videos/?ref=page_internal
Be open! Be candid! Be Free! And above all Be authentic! People will love and accept you for being genuine and for those who don’t it’s their call. And it’s okay if they don’t. You don’t have to woo anybody. Not everybody is entitled to like you. Self-acceptance is key to a happy life. So if you are outspoken and you are suppressing your views thinking about not being liked then don’t! Remember You don’t have to change for the world. You are special. You are gifted and you are enough. You don’t have to change for the world.
After reading How to be outspoken I am sure you would want to read how to be self-disciplined: https://sudarshanpurohit.com/how-to-be-self-disciplined/
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Co-writer – EVLYN FERNANDES