How to understand your children?
“Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them.
They move on. They move away.
The moments that used to define them are covered by moments of their own accomplishments.
It is not until much later, that children understand;
their stories and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the water of their lives.”
― Paul Coelho
The relationship between a child and its parents is considered as the purest form of bonding filled with sheer love and concern, the most unconditional of all. It is often said that no one can better understand a child than its parents. The children of the contemporary era are far more different from the children of the yesteryears.
After figuring out how to understand your children better, you will have to make sure your child is in the right company. Click here to know the qualities of a true friend.
This distinctiveness is mainly due to the complex psychological compositions of the children of the modern world. The children of today’s times are much more vulnerable to the outer world. The children of these days have much more exposure and therefore it requires an altogether different way of parenting keeping in mind the growing needs of their children.
Such a situation generates an increased need for understanding our children. Understanding our children is very important. Investing time in understanding our children is a crucial part of parenting. As we all know that parents are the closest to their child, therefore, if the parents can understand their child’s true feelings, it is so much helpful for the children. Now the biggest question that strikes our mind is- “how to understand our children?”
To know how to understand your children, you have to be their friend. Here’s how you can your child’s friend.
Children are delicate and therefore it requires a sensitive approach towards them. We as parents should learn to recognize their behaviour pattern and thereby act accordingly. Such learning comes with observation. We should try to observe our kids more and more to be able to understand even a minimal variation in behaviour. As our child develops, a change in behaviour is very common to occur.
The span of time until a child becomes completely dependent on itself is considered as a crucial stage of his/her life and therefore requires keen understanding. As a child grows and develops comes the ‘Age of Adolescence’, one of the most sensitive phases of a child’s life. Teenage is a buzz word, especially in our times. A child encounters a number of changes in its body, be it; physiological, hormonal, physical etc.
You also need to be a good teacher, after figuring out how to understand your children. Here’s how you can do that.
These hormonal changes develop new changes in a child’s body. It might be really challenging for some children to adopt these changes and thus, creates a greater need of understanding between a parent and its child. It is very important for a parent to keep hold of its child in this stage. Parents should try to understand their capacity and also their interest.
As parents, we should constantly encourage our children to do better but we should not pressurize them. We should help them to reach their best possible mind while ensuring that our child is happy and contented with whatever they do and wherever they try to reach. Here are some easy ways; you can try to understand your child in a better way
Knowing how to understand your children also goes hand in hand in keeping them motivated. This is how you can do it.
1. Observation: The most simple and best way to understand your child is to observe them silently, having a look at them what they like, what are their preferences and whatever they do. you have to silently observe your child, without letting him or her know about it because when the child is free and knows nobody is looking at them they will be themselves, be real in whatever they are doing be it playing, handling situations, how they keep their mood and what all they do enjoy themselves.
2. Timely Reinforcement: Timely reinforcement is important when you are trying to understand your child. Reinforcement in child’s psychology is when we praise them or appreciate the child for their work, which motives him or her and will improve the behaviour of your children.
Giving them rewards for things they accomplish is a simple way in which child will have the want to do more, show good behaviour because they know they will be praised or rewarded for it. It is basically focusing on the good things your child is doing or certain behaviour quality your child is showing to you, which you want for them and as parents praising them for that in every way, so they feel good and do it more.
3. Understand the interest of your child: Understand the interest of your child and motivate it for that only, do not force to go for an option they don’t have any interest in, just because you want your child to did it, it doesn’t mean they have to do it. Do not force your wishes or choices on your child, talk to your child and ask for what he/she is interested and what would be the thing they would love to do.
For example- imagine your child is in class 10 now, and in next class, he/she has to choose a stream for their future. Your child wants to take humanities but you want your child to be an engineer and you forcing or pressurizing them to take non-medical because you want it, the child may take the stream of parents choice but he won’t be happy, he won’t love studying it. It will only be a pressure on him to get up to his parents’ expectations, not out of their own choice, which is totally wrong. Make your child grow in whatever field they have interest in and trust them for that.
4. Be a friend to your child: When your child is growing, is in his/her teenage years, they want their parents to be as a friend to them. The child wants to share many things to their parents but sometimes they are afraid of the parent’s reaction or sometimes they don’t get the environment by their parents in which they can share their emotions with them. You as a parent should always try to be more and more friendly to them so that your child feels free to share their problems with you and knows for sure that his/her parents will understand and advice him in the best possible way.
5. Never compare your child ‘efforts to other children: Never ever compare the efforts of your child to efforts of some other children, every child has their own strengths or weakness and every child cannot be the same at every field. Some children are good at studies, some are good at sports or anything creative, so they all have a unique way to learn and understand topics with different styles in their own way.
For example – if your child is weak in studies but very good at drawing or painting, appreciate and motivate him/her for that rather than pointing at your neighbours or relatives kids that they are good at studies, unlike your child. The child gets demotivated by such acts of comparing with others and may lose hope that he is not good at anything his parents want from him.
6. Listen to their problem: Always have good listening skills for your children, always try to understand what your child wants to say or convey to you. Do not criticize or judge your child for any of their problems, they may never share anything if you do so.
They may need somebody who can listen to school problems, their friends’ problems or any issues with teachers and relatives, be that person in your children’s life for whom they can count on and trust on every time. Suggest advice to their child when they share a problem with you, make them calm and sort out their problem with them. Spend time with them
In today’s time, both the parents are working and they do not get proper time to spend with their child, by this the child gets distanced from the parents and look for some other company to enjoy and share their stuff but do not let this happen. Try taking out time from your busy schedules regularly and discuss all the happening of the day with your child at that time, laugh with them, and play with them and ask for all whereabouts of the day, so that they feel cared or pampered regularly.
7. Play with your child by getting to their age: Enjoy with your children by getting to their age, so that they feel a similarly aged person’s company and enjoy everything to its fullest. Do not act as superior or adult to your child, they want the same age company to fully engage themselves and open up freely. Pamper your child often, they want your attention and love every time.
The more you try understanding them, the more they will get close or feel close to you and share their stuff without hesitation to you. Be a partner of their age, scold them for anything wrong, but also at the same time make them understand what wrong they did in a polite manner.
After completely figuring out how to understand your children you should also know how to develop a winning mentality in your child. Here’s what you should do.
After reading how to understand your children I am sure you would want to read how to make a child interested in studying
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