Consequences of having Family Secrets.
Intimacy Made Difficultly:
Family secrets have results beyond what the secret holders ever made. For example, a young lady who had been raped escaped building a long-standing relationship with a character for fear that if he discovered about her rape she would be denied. Nevertheless, her belief in her therapist and the safety of the treatment room granted her to take the opportunity of sharing the secret.
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The consultants’ sensitive, warm, and emboldening reply was such that she got the nerve to tell her friend. His kindness, friendship, and total approval of her were the start of even more wellbeing. Then, she will choose to tell her mother about it and read the data that was extremely important to her in her rehabilitation from depression.
When this young girl said to her mom about the abuse she was again met with love, approval, and deep emotions of pain that her kid had kept this away for so many various years. The question was why had the young girl opted to keep it secret?
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The response to the above problem was that the modern woman was cultivated in a family inheritance of secrecy. After she and her mom spoke about the rape (a very passionate conversation) her mother shared all types of family secrets that had been retained from the children for ages. The most significant secret was that there was a long past of schizophrenia going through both sides of the family for many past ages. Keeping secrets became the measure of family functioning.
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Hence, it was normal for the young girl to keep an individuals secret for so many ages. Family members who are intensely embarrassed about mental disease running in the family, developed a practice of non-communication and secrecy to save themselves from the fact and to see if any crucial but sensitive information from growing available to strangers. The young lady’s response to all of this was a tremendous relief as they no longer had to live with secrets, even though she did not understand many of these bits of data.
The relation between this modern woman and her companion has grown more profound and closer as a consequence of her having revealed the terrible truth of what appeared to her many ages ago.
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Distrust and Anger:
Maintaining family secrets presents an excuse for some family members to form a relationship with one another. However, the presence in managing a secret shows that other family members are not allowed to. For example, two relations may join collectively to keep a secret that may not include a third member but to guard the secret from him/her. Hence, this third person is excluded.
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In order to go forward to keep the secret, the person must sometimes tell lies and really change. If the missed out person makes an inquiry that is chosen as getting too close to the secret, then the ending has to be answered. In case number one, I was the more youthful child who, upon starting elementary school, was taught by the relatives to state that my father was dead.
I was so innocent that the “lie” became “true” in my head. I just came to assume he was dead. Ages later, when the truth appeared and I had the chance to meet my father, I felt separated from my older sibling who knew the truth and kept it from me.
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Children and Learning Problems:
Studying and education are made available by human curiosity. Although, there is a lot of evidence that having family secrets always affects children’s ability to absorb knowledge. The form of secrets is that no one knows about their presence. However, kids are intuitive and are fast to sense changes in tone of voice, facial expressions, and other non-verbal communications showing that there is a secret.
If they have reason to be afraid of asking for information because of parental anger, it has a negative effect on their education. There are simply too many case analyses in the literature that show that the fact that once a consultant helps a family to show and talk about a secret, the learning extremities of the child disappear.
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Somatic Symptoms, the Body Speaks:
We human beings are metaphorical in nature. It has been my experience that after going through a “broken heart” over something sad, a person has a heart attack. Some instances of the relationship between physical or somatic symptoms and secrecy are:
1) Bulimia Nervosa: The bulimic person keeps their binging and purging a strict secret out of feelings of shame and self-disgust.
2) Anorexia Nervosa: The anorectic patient keeps self-starvation a secret from herself. This is referred to as denial. I have seen families in which parents, as well as the anorectic individual, are in denial about the illness.
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Kids raised in the presence of dark secrecy about both the matriarchal and patriarchal sides of their families. They grow up with a notion that something may be wrong but fear talking about this with their parents. In this type of family, once secrecy becomes normal, there is no stop to the ways in which information is not allowed from flowing.
In these situations, children keep secrets from parents, and parents keep secrets from children and from one another. This carries over into generations as the children marry and keep secrets from their spouses. None of this is benign since the individuals from these families who become patients, experience depression and physical or somatic symptoms.
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e There are studies that show that secrecy results in feelings of powerlessness. One study demonstrated that in families where secrecy was a major issue, especially with regard to sexual offences, vulnerable youth were at greater risk of becoming sexual offenders themselves. When they committed the act of rape, they ordered their victims to behave in certain ways.
e The research concluded that rape was a way to overcome the helpless and victimized feelings they had experienced in the family. Of course, the rape itself had to be kept secret, perpetuating the cycle of maintaining secrets. The study concluded that for these young people, family secrecy and deception established and maintained a disregard for the truth and for the customs of society.
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Although, this may not mean that family secrets of and by themselves make sex offenders. Rather, it is the places in which youth may have conduct disorders and other anti-social norms to their personalities, mixed with family secrecy, and lies that can lead to acts of sexual abuse and rape.
There are few secrets that are so dangerous that they can’t stand being got out into the open, where they almost always lose the evil and dark air that once covered them. What was once said in context to war is true about secrets and the choice to reveal them: “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”
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