HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF HURTING SOMEONE YOU LOVE?
Even if it is unintended, some people find it unbearable to hurt someone they love. To endure hurting others can produce embarrassment, guilt and sharp “I am a sick person” feeling. As a consequence, we may withdraw saying what is on our mind and put down our own feelings and wants. This inhibiting of the self can be detrimental to
our relationships and can create forms for generating anxiety and depression.
Wherever you go, you step on eggshells. You examine each thought, choosing your words carefully. You overthink your every move, challenging yourself over and over repeatedly. Somehow, your communications with others never go easily, and your communications always seem to take more effort than they should. That’s what it’s like to exist in the horror of hurting others. It’s difficult to be yourself when you’re continually worried about how different people will see what you have to say and do.
When your fear of hurting someone else’s emotions is stronger than your will to
bring who you are and what you think to the outside, life becomes a whole lot
To beat anxiety, you have to be courageous. Here’s how you can learn it.
It’s natural and praiseworthy to care for others, to be careful of how you treat the people you care about. But it converts to an issue when your consciousness to what others want makes you contain what you are truly looking for.
Do you find it painful to hurt someone you love, even if it’s accidental? Do you feel shame, guilt, or anxieties about being a bad person, and as a conclusion, you avoid speaking what’s on your mind and push away your responses? If you responded with a yes to any of these issues, you are apparently suppressing yourself. This can be dangerous for your relationships and can produce prolonged anxiety in your life.
To know how to beat anxiety, one should know how to enjoy life. Here’s what you need to know to enjoy life.
Here’s what you should do to get rid of this fear:
The concern of hurting others can be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive
disorder (OCD), a neurobiological state that is connected with repeated,
interfering, distressing thoughts that can’t quickly be dismissed
Some destructive obsessions include the fear of harming others deliberately, the fear of hurting other people on purpose. I classified some specific cases of harm obsessions. These involved the panic of losing charge and murdering your baby, the fear of cutting a loved one, and a description of other fears involving violence.
You shouldn’t be afraid of trying new things. This is what you should do if you are.
The primary step to not work on our fears is to know that we have them. The fear of intimacy isn’t a puzzle without a solution, but finding a resolution means recognising that there is a problem. Having this dilemma may seem hard to link to at first as most of us declare that we want love in our lives.
Many of us feel victimised or cheated by circumstance while abandoning to see that our biggest barrier is how we get in our own way. Whether it’s a problem of moving on earlier hurt or a re-creation of our youth that’s at play, it will help us to gain a more extensive knowledge of our less conscious motives that hurt our closest relationships.
One should have a winning mindset to beat anxiety. Here’s what you should do.
View your past – As we probe into the ways we protect against love, it’s important to look at our past. We can begin by studying our prevailing or recent relationships. Where are the stumbling stones? If the relationship has died, where did it go awry? What problems keep/kept growing up? What actions might be the reason you drifted away? What ideas inspired these actions?
What were we saying to ourselves the time we bothered our partner and began a fight, responded coldly, rejected a loved one, refused an invitation, ignored or denied affection. A person should introspect within themselves and their past about their doings whether they were good or bad and learn from it.
For knowing how to beat anxiety, it is important to stay motivated. Here’s what you should do to stay motivated.
Stop entertaining your inner doubter – Try to acknowledge that tiny voice in your head that serves you data like, “He doesn’t actually love you. Don’t be a victim. Get going before he truly hurts you.” Think of how this nagging inner voice teaches you to avoid feeling intimate or vulnerable. “She is just managing you”,” Don’t let her get to understand the real you”, “You can’t believe anyone”, “You’re too ugly/large/poor/embarrassing to have a relationship with, no one will be impressed”, all these thoughts should go once and for all.
Excite your defences – It’s comfortable to fall back to old, therapeutic activities that keep us embracing hidden and isolated thoughts. Even though they may present us with an empty feeling, unfulfilled, or closure against love, we return to our defences like a big sheet shielding us from the world. Our coping mechanism, no matter how alluring the subject may seem, is not our buddy. They are there to prevent us from achieving our goals.
It may have felt intimidating, even fatal, to open up to someone as a child or show our emotions in our family, but these same defences are no longer useful to us in our modern relationships. Perhaps, assuming that we didn’t care helped defend us against the pain of thinking overlooked or invisible. But, that same approach will make it hard to receive loving activities that are continued to us today. As we discover how changes that helped us in our childhood are dangerous to us in the present, we can act upon these almost habitually.
Be exposed and free – So many of us exist in awe of being vulnerable. We are told first to be active and toughen up. The dating world allows and even encourages a culture of game-playing. “Don’t text for at least three days.” “Don’t say ‘I like you’ first.” “Don’t tell him how you feel.” “Don’t allow her to see how much you like her.” Being defenceless is a sign of strength, not vulnerability.
It means overlooking the noises in your head and working on how you truly feel. When you do this, you see that you can remain strong even when you get hurt. You’ll be ready to live with more confidence and opportunity, understanding that you’ve stayed yourself even while the world encompassing you wasn’t complete.
Lingering yourself doesn’t mean becoming set in your ways or closing yourself off to new adventures. Being vulnerable means just the reverse – a readiness to be open to different people and to developing old models. If you typically choose assertive or controlling partners, only to find yourself in a connection you resent, try dating someone incompatible with more flexibility.
Avoid making difficult and fast rules about relationships. Understand what you feel, all the while gaining strength in the understanding that no one else controls your comfort, only you do.
You can withdraw falling victim to the external world and to your own personal critic by proceeding to act with honesty, losing your defences to become your real self.
Throughout your life, this evil and conniving thought/method will try to tempt you away from finding love. Recognizing it will help you to stop viewing it as reality or your own point of view. It will enable you to order and to act upon its harmful directives. Get that letting go of your personal critic means letting go of an old name that, although offensive, can also feel secure in its informality.
Breaking from this authority will provoke fear, but it models a battle well worth supporting. Powering through this anxiety and answering your inner critic at every turn will enable you to open and match your most authentic self.
Separating ourselves from our house of origin and producing a sense of our own individual identity, while having a concrete development, will stir us up. Yet, leaving to change from cold or self-limiting changes to our past events will make it hard for us to live our own lives as happy, individuals.
As we begin to learn how our past informs our present, we can make one of the most useful acts to improve our love lives. We can put our passions and steps back where they belong. For example, we can stop viewing our past relationships as dealing with different people, instead should introspect on what went wrong with them.
The opinions and behaviours we observed and endured as children often subconsciously develop the ways we believe and act like adults. If someone loves us or look at us differently from how we were seen at as kids present a
unique test that few of us expect in our adult relationships. Having a pleasant,
loving adult romantic attachment often signifies a break with our families’ models of relating.
Once we start to understand our patterns, we trace them back to their roots. We can even look back to our puberty to see where these changes may have evolved from. Were you declined or imposed on by a parent or guardian? Were you put down in your house? Did you perceive destructive communications between your parents? Did you notice cynical dynamics in their relationship that changed how you now act in yours?
Recognising patterns helps us understand them, and by understanding them we can eradicate all the bad habits of ours from our past.
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