How to deal with angry kids?
The emotional balance of a child is very sensitive. We should always take a cautious approach when we talk to them. A child is constantly growing, and so will not always know how to react to the changes inside. These changes on the inside sometimes affect the behaviour the child portrays. It is important for the parents and guardians to understand their children and react accordingly.
Along with knowing how to deal with angry kids, one must know how to instil humility in them. Here’s what you can do to help your child become more humble.
To understand why kids get angry, one must understand a child’s psychology. According to a popular theory called ‘Piaget’s stages of development’, a child goes through 4 stages before he reaches adulthood. The 4 stages were:
Sensorimotor development – This stage occurs when the child is born until he reaches 24 months. In this stage, the child learns motor skills, also whatever the child learns will be through experience.
Pre-operational – This stage occurs between that age of 2 to 7 years. In this stage, the child develops memory, language skills and imagination. The child’s intelligence is considered egocentric (thinking they are the centre and everything happens around them) at this stage.
Concrete operational – This stage occurs between the age of 7 to 11 years. In this stage, the child grows to be more logical and aware of the world and how it works. The child is less egocentric now since his growth in awareness.
Formal operational – In this stage, the child grows into his teens and onto adulthood. By this stage, the child should have understood the concept of relationships and emotions.
Along with knowing how to deal with angry kids, one must know how to teach them to be more courageous. Here’s what you need to do to instil courage in your kid.
Now that since we know how a child’s psyche develops, we can understand the child and the root of the problem.
A child getting angry easily is an indication of some sort of trauma he/she must have suffered. Recognising the incident that caused this trauma will go a long way in rehabilitating the child.
The incident could be unrest in the family, bullying, physical abuse, mental abuse. Recognising these incidents will tell the child that everything’s going to be alright, and when the child feels this warmth, it has the strength to get past these traumas.
Here’s what you should do to develop a winning attitude for your child.
This is what you have to do to rid your child of this habit –
Try to figure out the root of the problem – Figuring out the root of the problem will help you eradicate it from your child’s life forever. This also may save him from some traumatic experience he is or has been going through.
Encourage them to try sports – Most of the times, a child has so much energy in him and doesn’t know how to channelize it. This boils over and gets them to be angry, but if the child is doing physical activity or playing a sport, they spend all their energy in the field and they won’t even have the energy to be angry at someone.
Here’s what you need to do to get your child to focus better.
Encourage them to have a creative outlet – Just like how playing sports utilize your physical energy, painting or music stimulates the child’s brain. Having a creative outlet lets your child build its personality and self-confidence. Sometimes a child is angry because he cannot compete with his peers, the newfound self-confidence will also help them here.
Introspect within yourself – It is very important to introspect within ourselves because we never know when we are unknowingly pressurising someone into something, and this sometimes also affects a child’s mental health. Any unnecessary pressure on the child will have a negative impact on the child.
Positive Reinforcement – Sometimes a child’s emotion depends on how much they are being appreciated. If a child is neglected, then the emotions of the child will spiral downwards. Appreciating them or telling them they did a good job, reinforces what you want them to do and in turn, the child also feels good about himself and the relationship he has with you.
Here’s what you need to do to make your child more interested in studying.
Negative Reinforcement – There is nothing wrong in punishing your child, as long as you know the limit. Punishing your child may be a good way to deal with your child’s shortcomings but one should never overdo it. After the punishment, it is important to reinforce it with appreciation. Overdoing it may make the child hate you. You must have heard shaam, daam, and and bhed. So if your kid is not understanding but just explaining, then do some positive reinforcement and if that is also not working then we can use negative reinforcement. We must not directly jump to negative reinforcement.
Set limits on aggression – Tell your child what is right and what is wrong. Informing them that extreme aggression is bad and instilling this in them is very important. If you set limits on aggression, the child’s anger will never get out of hand.
Get good at de-escalating situations – De-escalating situations is very important when dealing with anyone angry. Recognising the signs of anger in a child and immediately doing what is required to calm them down will make sure the situation doesn’t spiral out of control.
A DMIT test goes a long way in helping a child for its future. Here’s everything you need to know about the DMIT test.
It is okay to get angry – Always remember that getting angry is the ‘fight’ response in your body and it is completely normal for a person let alone a child to get angry. Make your child also understand what they are feeling and get them to be comfortable with themselves.
Teach your kids how to control emotions – The best way to teach someone something is by showing them how it’s done. When a child sees you coping with your anger and emotions in a certain way, it will also try to do the same. So, teaching them to control their anger by doing something is also very helpful.
Help your child be aware of the trigger signs – Helping your child recognise how they get angry and recognising this pattern will help your child know the pattern through which they get angry, and thus will avoid that pattern in behaviour.
Don’t send them away to calm down – Sending your child away to calm down by themselves is wrong. Talk to them instead. Understand why they did what they did, and calm them down by talking to them. Sending them away to calm down will leave them uncertain about what they did wrong.
Restore the faith – Often a child is angry because it feels neglected or unwanted by the parent. So, a parent should try to recognize if this occurs and restore faith in them that you are there for them. When they understand that you do love them, their uncertainty disappears and so does the anger.
Emotion coaching – Emotion coaching helps you to reinforce all positive emotions and helps your child to recognise negative emotions. Respond to everything the child expresses with empathy and respect, and when they don’t express something with empathy and respect, don’t respond to them. Spend a minimum of 15 minutes one-on-one with each child daily, just connecting and enjoying the child.
Accept all Emotions your child expresses, and make it safe for him to cry when he needs to. Make sure you spend at least half an hour doing a physical activity with your child while doing so encourage them to laugh.
Develop their emotional intelligence – Sometimes a child is not comfortable with their own emotions. There are instances where a child who has expressed an uncomfortable emotion to their parents, and their parents ridicule them. This takes away the child’s self-confidence. Parents shouldn’t ridicule their children when they express negative emotions like anger and jealousy, instead, the parents should make the child understand the emotions it is experiencing and teach them how to deal with it. This will help develop the emotional intelligence of the child.
Sometimes even after doing all this, a child won’t be able to cope with its anger. There are a few signs that show if your child needs help handling their anger. They are:
- If the child can’t control impulses and hits children other than siblings.
- Frequent explosive outbursts of anger.
- Failure to recognise their mistake and instead, blaming others.
- Constantly losing friends, or alienating adults.
- Preoccupied with revenge.
- Constantly expressing hatred towards themselves or someone else.
- Damaging property regularly.
- Threatening to hurt themselves.
- Enjoying hurting small animals and children who are not their sibling.
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