The term ‘dating’ refers to a process through which a person gets together with another person to explore the possibilities of romantic and sexual coupling. People generally start dating in their middle teen years sometime after puberty (biological sexual maturation) has started. The majority of people on the first date in an exploratory fashion, forming intense but temporary unions with one or more people in series. Teenage exploration dating tends to turn into more goal-directed dating as people age into adulthood and experience social and internal pressures to ‘get married, settle down and have a family.
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Though most grown-ups do end up developing more stable committed relations (which may involve union and/or kids), not all who do live faithful to their relations. A large minority of wedded grown-ups stay to date after union by making illicit alliances and relationships. While many dedicated relationships do flourish, a product also fails due to separation, death and other episodes. The descendants of these associations, damaged as they are, often find themselves driven to go back into the dating pond to try their luck at relation-building again.
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People can be driven to date each other for a number of reasons, both good and unhealthy. Characters are social beings who crave the camaraderie of others and feel empty without it. People are passionate beings who crave sexual relations and the physical warmness of another person.
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People are romantic and spiritual beings who wish to care for other people and to be cared for by other people. People are also drawn to the intensity, drama and excitement that accompanies new relationships. Some people feel incomplete and inadequate as single people and are drawn towards dating so they can feel more legitimate and less ashamed of themselves. Still, others look for a sort of salvation in relationships with other people that they may or may not be able to find. Some or all of these motives, and more still, are likely occurring in the typical person who is interested in dating.
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The Dating Process
Getting a date is one task, but going out on a date is another. Meeting someone face to face for the first time tests whether romance is possible. Leading to enjoy yourself during a first date is a bit of a trick. Negotiating from one date towards a second and then a third such that intimacy grows between the two of you and that no one gets too overwhelmed too quickly is an even trickier process. Here are some guidelines for making the actual process of dating a safe and enjoyable experience.
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The First Meeting
People differ in terms of how they want to set up their primary dates. While some characters set up formal special dinner dates, many favour their first connections to be short informal public events such as running out for coffee or exercising in a park. A casual and short date is nice because if you don’t like your date’s company you will be able to go earlier. If you both like each other, you can always jointly decide to spend more time together. Also, in a first date status, you are likely to be engaging a visitor who might perhaps pose a threat to you (unlikely but possible).
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If you’ve never met before it might be a good idea to meet in a public place so that there are people around you and so that you can keep your home address private. It’s not a good idea to meet a stranger at your home (or at his or her home) or to give a stranger information that could be used to track you down against your will (such as your home address). Online communication tools such as email and instant messaging are your best bet for maintaining your privacy, although it may be convenient to give out your telephone or cell number as well when you plan your date.
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While on your date, encourage your date to talk and practise being a good listener. Your careful listening to what your date has to say allows you to learn about your date’s intelligence, maturity level, sense of humour, values, goals and desires. This is good information to know, as it forms the basis on which you’ll decide whether you’ll want to spend more or less time with this person.
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Be on the lookout for people whose goals do not match your own. A red flag should go up if you want children but your date tells you that she/he has no interest in having a family. Take that flag seriously. It doesn’t matter how handsome or beautiful and charming someone is if they are committed to goals that are incompatible with your own.
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Being conscious about your affiliation decisions as much as you are also sensitive is a good strategy for decreasing pain and anxiety. In the same style, don’t be afraid to deny someone if you have an uneasy feeling about them. If you’re open-minded about a person you may pick to date them some more so as to see how things go.
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Stay cool if a person rejects you. It’s probable to occur if you go out on enough dates. Early on while dating relations associates simply don’t know much about various others and so can end up denying each other for shallow reasons that make them feel awkward. By denying you they will have really done you a service by eliminating someone who doesn’t care for you correctly(themselves) from your life, saving you to attempt after someone who will. Dismissal of this type is not personal.
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If you like a person (and they like you too), it’s a safe bet that you’ll be accompanying more of him or her. Although your common liking is proposed in the fact that you stay dating and in your body style as you are collective, at some point you will want to announce your growing affection to your new companion. There are at least two classes of thought on how to do this properly.
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On the one hand, you can declare your love openly as you feel it. The advantage of this strategy is that it is automatic; the stress of it is that you might intimidate your partner as the stakes of your mutual connection are quickly raised. A different approach includes keeping your sentiments private for a little while.
Calculating withholding of complements and further invitations can lend suspense and heighten passions, or alternatively allow for a hesitant partner to catch up emotionally to where you have become comfortable. Overzealous withholding becomes manipulative which is a negative thing. Be judicious rather than manipulative.
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