Overcoming the Fear of Speaking our Heart out.
Over and over we have come across researches, articles and studies that talk about the importance of communication. Communication is viewed as a powerful tool in the contemporary world. There are several pieces of research on how this can be used as an effective tool to succeed in any given path. Expressions are the essence of being human. Communication, taken away from the equation of life makes it a deprecation graph. It is due to the exchange of thoughts and ideas that civilizations have evolved into the global village it is today.
Along with knowing how to overcome the fear of speaking, check out the benefits of thinking positive.
‘Speaking our heart out’, a phrase we would have all come across eventually, which conveys an idea of pouring out our thoughts and emotions or opening up to someone. As easy as it sounds, we often catch ourselves at crossroads being unable, to be honest, to sincerely address a matter or bottling up emotions. Most times the reasons being fear of rejection, fear of being judged or simply because we don’t know how to express ourselves. Most often people get caught up in situations that wouldn’t have existed if the communication was right.
Ascertain as it sounds that people face such situations regularly, introverts are more prone to getting into sticky situations because of not speaking sincerely. While most people go through instances where they believe their silence is more valued than their voice, introverts believe this to be true for every given occasion. Being an introvert in itself is not as bad as a deal people can make of it but it is essential to understand that being an introvert is not equivalent to being absent.
Along with knowing how to overcome the fear of speaking, check out how to be courageous.
Eventually, in your life, you settled on the choice that it was okay to not speak your truth. It could’ve been because of a truth that might have caused chaos and lying seemed like a better option. It caused torment and incited a belief that speaking up would make much more torment.
This conviction constrained you to retain and scrutinize your voice from that point on. This fear of speaking your truth might have been caused by childhood trauma related to parental negligence or emotionally unavailable caregivers. All the attention you were deprived in childhood manifests itself into beliefs that you do not deserve attention and your voice does not deserve to be heard.
Along with knowing how to overcome the fear of speaking, check out how to be focused.
The fear of not speaking out is like a weed that grows unnoticed among the other plants, slowly destroying the healthy plants by taking up their nutrition. It seems like a small deal until it’s harmful enough to go unnoticed.
Not speaking up or being sincere can be easy to get away with for a certain amount of time but that is further piling up your unresolved issues which will one day break you down. It is crucial, to be honest at any given point and not hide the truth. The worst possible answer to your problems is silence or denial, understanding this helps understand the importance of speaking our hearts out.
Some noticeable symptoms of this fear are –
- Avoidant behaviour- Running away from problems that can be solved with effective communication.
- Denial of the reality- Believing that what you do not think of/ speak of is not the truth.
- Social anxiety- Talking to new people, interacting in crowds scares you.
- Makeshift behaviour- Temporarily dealing with work that requires you to voice out opinions.
- Low self-worth- Believing that your words have no value and you do not deserve to speak your truth.
There can be physical symptoms too, in cases when someone is pushed out of their comfort zone to voice out. When dealing with crowds or fear of speaking publicly people may exhibit physical symptoms like sweating, shivering, nausea, increased heart rate and hyperventilating. When not paid heed to, these symptoms can get worse and slowly turn into bottling up emotions.
Piling up emotions and never venting it out makes one an active volcano. All the stress, anger, frustration and worry that is pent up inside will one day release out in the form of hot lava and destroy the good things around it. This pent up emotion will eat you inside out and may result in mental health issues like depression. Piling up emotions will harm relationships both interpersonal and intrapersonal. One has to take measure to uproot this problem.
Overcoming the fear of speaking should be dealt with like getting off a flight of slippery stairs- slowly, steadily and step by step. Understanding the root cause for this fear is the first step to dealing with it. It is essential to know what is the reason for one to develop such fear and how it has grown worse over the years.
Resolving these internal issues is the founding stone to building a healthier mindset on speaking your heart out. Communicate with yourself and people involved in the development of this dread. The most crucial act of resolving internal conflicts is to let go of the dependency on trauma. Learn from it and let it go.
The next step is to lay the foundation on the idea of self-worth. The fear of not speaking out is stemmed on the idea that your voice is dispensable and not valuable. Destroying the idea that you do not matter and building self-esteem is important. Do things that boost your confidence and keep you happy.
Surround yourself with people that make you feel like you’re important and support your thoughts and ideas. Ditch the idea that your absence is not accounted for, replace that thought with the importance of your thoughts and emotions. Often times people put away their emotions and feelings in the fear of rejection, fear of being judged or worse, the fear of not being heard. Take one step ahead of these fears and slowly break out of your comfort zone.
Verbalizing your thoughts might be hard but it is not impossible. Empathy and understanding exist. Speak your heart out even when not heard, even if it is to an empty theatre. There are several self-help books and articles available that help you to understand and deal with similar situations.
Some advice from these books can come in handy in circumstances when you feel caught up and unable to put your emotions into words. Another important practice is to not doubt your emotions. Do not dismiss your feelings as useless or silly and try to devalue it. It is important to acknowledge your ideas even when they aren’t pleasant. Do not disguise your emotions as dismissible in the fear of being judged.
When at a loss of words, try to formulate your emotions on to paper. Clear out your intentions in your mind. Get a basic idea of what you need to say. Zero in on your experience: contemplations, sentiments, body sensations, needs, recollections and pictures through mindfulness. It is difficult to contend with your experience. Be certain. Have confidence in your truthfulness, and in reality itself. Perceive that others dislike what you need to say, yet you have a right to and an option to say it without expecting to justify what you’re feeling and that truism it is most likely useful for your relationship.
Talk to people, convey your thoughts to your friends and family, pour your heart out to your loved ones. Often times what conversations would have chocked your throat to speak might turn out to be a very dismissible chat. If opening up to your close circle is challenging, seek out external help. Professional help is always an option that is preferred when the people around you might not have the appropriate advice.
It is okay to see a therapist, counsellor or psychiatrist. This kind of assistance can be extremely beneficent as it creates a space where one feels heard. Being heard and understood helps get over the fear of speaking out and not being heard.
Develop a habit to regulate your emotions and expressions and turn it into a healthy habit of pouring it out of your system to whoever possible. Journaling your emotions is also equally helpful in keeping track of your thoughts. All the communication can be extremely exhausting, rest is equally important.
Recognize your needs and take a break from socialising. Do things that keep you going and move away from people. Take enough time to recover from this exhaustion but do not delay it. Occasional breaks from reality are enough to keep us sane.
Life is unpredictable and dicey. Embrace what you cannot control and appreciate everything unpredictable. Getting into unpleasant situations is unavoidable. There are several punches thrown in the face even after speaking up and voicing out your thoughts and opinions. Do not let them discourage you from opening up further. Do not let the progress dissolve like cotton candy in water. There will come occasions where your silence speakers louder than words but do not shy away from an affair that demands you to set your foot down and to let people hear your mind.
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