Getting kids to listen to you without yelling.

Getting kids to listen to you without yelling.

How many times have we said to our kids to do something (put on their boots, come down for dinner, put away the phone) and they just deny doing it? Is it irritating? You bet. As parents, we at times exaggerate the circumstance by screaming or shouting. It’s a jerking reaction to get louder when we give signs that are ignored.

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Children of every age will test limits. When you ask them to do something (or stop doing something) they almost always don’t listen to the initial command.  They want to see what you will do next. Their aim is to get what they want – to keep doing anything they like, to avoid something they don’t.  Try these tricks to get children to listen without screaming, keeping in head the child’s age and improving level.

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Get on Their Level

Go to their space and get on their level.  It’s probably not very effective to shout at them from the kitchen,  “Get down here for breakfast!” It’s better to enter the kid’s room, sit beside them and say, “Please come down for breakfast now.”  The better or more effectively you give your command, the better the follow-through is better to be.  Never ask the kid to come to eat. Make it a polite directive, delivered straight to the kid in a well-balanced tone of voice, rather than shouting from a different room.

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s how you can be patient.

Stay Positive

Use re-enforcing statements when you tell them to do something.  Let’s say your kid is running around the pool deck. Rather than shout, “Stop running!” from 50 feet away, get close to the kid and say, “Please walk” in a pretty serious tone of voice. If your child is not listening to you and whining while you’re trying to get dinner ready, say,  “Here – please draw me a picture while I cook” and put the stuff needed in front of him.   

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s why you should always think positive.

One Thing at a Time

Give one task at a time.  The morning drop-off to school and work is almost always a headache. Help get your kid out the door with step-by-step demands, such as: 

• Please get your shoes.
• Grab your lunch – it’s on the counter.
• Please get your backpack.

It’s vital to keep tasks short and direct.

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s how you can become successful in life.

Make it Meaningful

Speaking of specific, if you say, “Be careful!” what are you really telling a child to do? Instead, give insightful commands, such as, “Please stay away from the iron, it’s hot and it could hurt your hand.”

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Pre-Empt the “Why”

Kids will often challenge parents with “Why?” when asked to do something.  It’s a stalling tactic. Try to pre-empt the why question,  “Please put on your coat so we can go and pick up the food.”

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s how to focus on success.

Request Rather Than Command

Consider what you’re asking of the child; is it a necessary command or more like a favour?  If it’s the latter, pose it as a question,  “Would you mind getting my sweater for me?”  Make it a request rather than a command if it’s not something the child must do.

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s how you can be courageous.

Show Gratitude

Be sure to compliment and encourage children when they do follow your commands. “Thank you for getting your backpack ready, it was a big help!”  Even the most compliant child is going to blow you off sometimes, but showing positivity and gratitude towards your kids will make them more likely to listen to you.

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s how to be a good listener.

Follow Through With Consequences

If your children don’t listen the first time they’re told to do something, you may want to give them another chance, with a warning.  “You have one more chance to clean up your toys. If you don’t, you get a time out.” If, after a reasonable amount of time depending on the child’s age, they fail to comply, you must follow through. Otherwise, kids will learn that you issue idle threats. It’s important to be consistent with the consequences you’ve outlined. When kids experience consequences, they know you mean what you say and they’ll be more likely to comply next time.

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s how to be focused.

When to Seek Help

If you and your child are at loggerheads despite clear directions, patience and consequences, if the child’s behaviour is defiant beyond what you’d expect, or if you just don’t feel successful in your approach, it’s wise to seek help.  Explain to your child, “We seem to be having trouble getting on the same page of how to follow rules, so I found someone to help us.” Remember that all kids have difficult behaviours and that no one to whom you turn for help thinks your child is bad or that you’re a bad parent. Everyone needs help now and then.

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s how you can overcome the fear of losing in sports.

As much as we’d like to control our child at times, no human being can fully control another, and when control is our main goal as parents, it comes at the expense of our child learning self-sufficiency as well as leading to unhealthy relational outcomes.

At this point, parents’ wheels are turning a bit, but I can see them patiently waiting for the good stuff, the practical real-life interventions that might make these tiny people cooperate more easily in everyday life.

Along with knowing how simple it is getting kids to listen to you without shouting, here’s how to develop humility.

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