Fear of Losing Someone you Love.
Humans are social beings, we live in societies and the driving force of life is human interaction. We learn to live and survive for the same reason. Humans form special connections and bond with one another, be it family or friends. From a young age, humans are taught to live with people and develop attachments to one another.
At a young age, when learning about human behaviour does not occur in a healthy way, it manifests into various traumas and fears. One of the biggest and common types of these manifestations are trust issues, independent behaviour and fear of abandonment. Losing this connection with someone or a bunch of people can be extremely painful and can upset one’s physical, mental, emotional and psychological health. Losing a friend or family member is hard, regardless of the conditions.
Beating the dread of losing friends and family is a personal encounter and it differs from person to person on how they choose to deal with the experience.
The fear of losing someone comes from a place of wanting to be loved, adored and cared for. It is inevitable that we doubt losing someone but it is erroneous to let that turn into fear. Future is unpredictable, feelings are variable and it is impossible to stop someone from changing how they feel about you or death itself. There are various reasons why you might lose a loved one but there is no prevention either because thoughts and ideas change and there is no control over that. Some reasons why one might develop such fear are-
- Bad parenting- emotionally unavailable parents or neglect from parents from a young age can harm a child’s ability to form and build a healthy relationship
- Losing someone important at a young age can cause long-lasting trauma
- Repeated encounters with people leaving can cause you to believe that this is a pattern
These few incidents can have shockingly strong effects on the human mind. The pain leaves the impression that one will avoid experiencing again. It can convince an individual to put up certain behaviours to avoid any unpleasant situations as such in the future.
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It is easy to spot such fears when one’s behaviour is observed. Often times the symptoms are a pattern of certain behaviours that one uses as a coping mechanism to avoid facing the fear of losing people. Some obvious ones are-
Trust issues– it is hard for you to trust someone and always doubt their true intentions behind them being nice to you
Fear of abandonment– you’re convinced that everyone in your life will eventually leave
Independent behaviour– trying to stay independent without taking external support as a form of looking out for yourself
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Attachment issues– you either get attached too quickly and worry constantly about losing that or avoid getting attached for the same
Separation anxiety– when not given constant attention or time, you start worrying about being separated from someone
Commitment issues– it is hard for you to commit to any experience that won’t be pleasing or people that you’re scared of losing
Difficulty in making new friends- it is hard for you to make new friends as it takes time to get to know someone and build trust
Excessive self-blaming– blaming yourself when something doesn’t go as expected or guilt that you were the reason someone left
Unhealthy relationships– you hold on to someone even when the relationship is extremely harmful to your mental and physical health just because you’re scared of never finding a bond like that again
Being alone– you dread being left alone or spending time with yourself. You equate that to loneliness
There is no prevention to losing someone but there are only ways to accept and understand that this is how life works. If you constantly worry about losing people or being left alone, your first step to overcoming this fear is to understanding where this fear stems from. Understanding the cause of the problem helps solve it from the beginning. It can be bad parenting or bad experiences but you should not give it the power to control your present and put you in a state of a constant worry.
Make a list of your concerns. Make a list of everything that stresses you, scares you and saddens you. Take your time to address these issues. Communicating your problems with the respective people on the list is an efficient method to let the others around you know why you behave the way you do. It makes life easier and people around you, supportive and understanding.
People are the essence of life and there is no running away from this. Talking out your problems is the only two-way solution to your problems. Address your concerns without expectations that the other side will react as you expect them to. This process is catalyzed by understanding how much power others hold over you.
People are an integral ingredient to bake the cake of life but in the right proportions. Evaluate how much to let people in and keep to yourself anything you wouldn’t want an outsider to take control of. It is imperative that you recognize loneliness and being alone as two different concepts. It is okay to spend time with yourself. Do things that make you happy and fall in love with spending quality time with yourself.
Acceptance is the ultimate remedy for this agony. Death is unavoidable and change is inevitable. Do not resist what life has to throw your way. Face it with courage that everything will eventually get better. Time does hold the ability to make things better. Learn about death and dealing with it. Stay prepared to any worse to come but do not let it sabotage your present. Learn how grieving works and how you can deal with it.
Evaluate what you have already lost but take only the positive outcomes of it and the lessons the experience has taught you. Judging these past experiences gives you an upper hand when dealing with similar situations in future.
In addition to this, you have to comprehend the idea that the centre of the universe is the sun, not you. Everyone’s lives revolve only around themselves. It is justifiable that people do not give you attention 24/7 and spend all their time with you.
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Get that point on paper to make time for yourself and others just the way another person would give you time and others. It is toxic to expect one’s 100 per cent in any relationship. Given this, it is also unhealthy to invest your 100 per cent in a relationship. A relationship depends on trust, understanding and most importantly, personal space.
An individual who lives in the fear of losing people will tend to hold on to things. Let go of expectations that people have to stay in your life and feel the same about you. Sometimes when these things work out, the fear of death can be excruciating. Killing expectations but being hopeful about relationships is healthy.
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Do not hold on to dead relationships just because it feels painful to end it. Finding connections like that may take time and efforts but it is also okay to not find the same relationship again. Grow with what an experience has taught you and move on from it.
Abandonment issues can convince you that one day everyone will eventually leave. The pain this causes is extremely tough to deal with and hence our coping mechanism to avoid this is to end things before it can naturally occur or be initiated by the other side.
Individuals that tend to push people away in the fear of losing them are only doing so to avoid being the victim in a situation. Take ownership of this behaviour and do not initiate ending a relationship when you do not have a logical and justifiable explanation to that.
At the point when you wind up in a place of worry or questions, the best cure is to connect for help, to confide in somebody to assist you with it. Opening up to your loved ones is certainly useful in keeping you grounded. As a rule, the factor of loneliness adversely influences the dread of vulnerability.
Realizing that you are in good company in a crisis backs out the torment and makes you more grounded with help close by. Working with your friends and family to avoid difficulties is a decent method of defeating the fear of losing people. At times your friends and family likely won’t have the right words or appeal to help you with the unforgiving bits of excusal.
Looking out capable help with these conditions is the most ideal choice open. Advisors, counsellors and other assistance are available for short or long haul help for anybody that may require it. It is totally OK to search out such assistance if you need it.
Keep working on the idea of the unpredictability of idea which gives meaning to life. Stop trying to control everything and love people wholeheartedly, do not let expectations and fears ruin the good in human connections. Love yourself to the point where other people do not taint it and focus on living in the present and making the best out of it.
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